Awl right kids. Now put the cat out – your mum will Tom Tit bricks when she gets back if she finds out I been lettin you set light to animals in the ‘ouse. Settle down and I’ll tell you about the time Chimera found ‘is book.
- Nick as Kuraz – Goliath Fighter.
- Amanda as Mandor – Human Bard.
- Winky as group conciousness of no name – Shardmind something.
- Drewf as Chimera – Elf Warlock.
- Paul as Korgul – Half-Orc Rogue.
- Daniel as various NPCs, including Jimmy.
DMmed by Brendan.
It wos abaht two weeks after the first job they sent us out on anavver one. Two groups were being sent out – one to case the Festival of Shadows, and one for anuvver pick-up job at the university. Now, I went strite for the pick-up job, as the festival wos in a part of town that I didn’t want to be visiting so soon after leavin.
So about five of us went to the Edderly Forest, which is where the elfs live. Nah, I dahnt wants ta say anyfink negative about the elfs, except they is weird. But not as weird as sum of us. Cos wun of us was like this fing made all out of dragonshards, wot only talked by telepathy. Takes a bit ‘o getting used to, that. Give yer a bit of a headache at first.
Anyway. This other geezer from the shop wos wiv us – Jimmy, oo ad done this sort of fing before, and he was along to make sure we didn’t muck it up too bad.
So we got to the forest, and there was this ‘ouse Phiarlain bloke there (no, he wasn’t … actually yes, he wos – ‘e wos dressed like a clown) and he gave us a map of the premises wot we were to surreptitiously remove some certain paperwork from.
So we went by the thieves ‘ighway and came up right inside the university, in a cleaners closet.
Nah, there wos a bit of a party or summik going on just outside the door, so quick as you like I put on a cleaner’s vest, grabbed a mop and bucket, an opened the closet.
We ‘ad come up in a toilet (no, not in a actual toilet, like – I told youse it was a closet, you should pay attention when yer old uncle is telling yer stories) and sum of the students were ‘aving a bit of party. An they were real drunk – drunk as lords, which I suppose some of ’em might ‘o been.
Well one of em tries to get chummy wiv me, but I growls at ‘im, like this
an shows ‘im my teef a bit, and fretten ‘im wiv my mop an bucket, and ‘e backs off. The rest of us come up through the closet and everyone sort ‘o works their way through the crowd.
Anyway. We ‘ad to get to the room of some professor wot ‘ad absent-mindedly left certain documents in ‘is personal safe. The staff residences were just a bit over the way, so we went there.
We decided that quickest way would be to nip up to the second floor an in froo a window. It was at about this time that I realised that a couple of us wos wearing full plate armour, which can be a bit of a ‘indrance on a pick-up job. I climbed up an went froo the window, and dropped a rope. Chimera came up it, and we decided between us that it might be a good idea to get the swag ourselves while people wos sorting out the whole business of climbing a rope while wearing full plate armour.
Chimera and I manage to find the room wivvout waking up the whole floor, and he checks it for magic before I goes in. Jimmy is wiv us, which is good, because we don’t spot the picture where the safe is (I never seen a professor’s room before – there wos all kinds of stuff in there).
Now, Jimmy is there to pick the safe, but I asks to ‘ave a go at it first. I have a go, but I don’t gets it open. But Jimmy tells me wot to do and I as anuvver go and it pops open just like it should.
So we got the swag, everyone is out, and we could go ‘ome. Except Chimera wants to visit the library, doesn’t ‘e? I don’t like it, but everyone else want to go, so I tags along.
So we goes into the library. It’s abaht two hours to dawn but the place is open an’ no-one in there but a couple of constructs. Turns out they are the librarians, wot ‘elp you find the books you want. Chimera goes off looking for sumpink, and eveyone else decide to ‘ave a brows too, because what els are you going to do in a library? I found a book wiv big vicious animals in there. There was this one wiv free ‘eads, and sum dragons, an this one wiv all teef wot burrows through the ground and then comes up and bites yer, anj a chicken wot turns yer into stone if yer looks at it, an …
After a bit, Chimera is tryin to borrow a couple of the books. O’ course, the constructs won’t lettim. ‘E as to ‘ave a library card. So I suggest to ‘im that just over in student residences there is a bunch of dead-drunk students and they wouldn’t mind if we temporarily borrowed one of thiers. So we ‘eads over to the students dorm to do a bit ‘o that.
I suggests that we orta make it look like a prank, and knock someone out an paint ‘im blue. Or pink. We ‘ead back to the cleaner’s closet, but there is only white paint in there. So maybe we should find someone black ‘an paint ‘im white. Or a gnome, because ‘e deserves it for being a gnome.
(Never trust a gnome, kids. Every larst one of ’em is a dirty, twisty little pervert wiv insects in ‘is ears. If ever a gnome arsts yer ter look in ‘is ears, dahnt do it. Dunk ‘im in water an shake ‘im, cos the filfy little fings ‘ate bein clean.)
But it turns out the students sleep four to a room, so it could get a bit tricky. So insteads I just sneaks in and opens up a footlocker and tries to find a library car ter bowwow.
Well, I alf wakes one of ’em up, and I as ter leave. But after a mo he settles dahn and Chimera nicks in and ‘as a shufty, and finds one. We ‘eads back ter the library.
But ‘o course, is face doesn’t match wots on the card. So we decide to just staight-up nick the book. E ‘as two ovvem – a big one an a small one. E give the small one to the shardmind fing ‘oping that – I dunno – if it’s sort of all in shards an stuff then the librarians wont notice. But they do, an alarms go off an all kinds ‘o stuff, so it decides to leg it. The librarians case after it.
Meanwhile, the other book Chimera wanted is just sittin there, and the librarians ‘ave PO’d, so I took it. This wos a mistake, becos the librarians weren’t all that wos protecting the books. These dog constructs come out and tries to grab me, but I is too quick for ’em. Kuraz also ‘as a book, and one of ’em grabs ‘im. But anuver one of us ‘its all the dogs wiv a burst attack, and it lets go, but arf a mo later the bloodly things blows up, which strikes me as an extremely silly way to protect a library. I would ‘ave thort something wiv cold might ‘ave been better, and it would double as a fing for if the place catches on fire.
Anyway. I bloody legs it (yer won’t tell yer mum I said that, will yer kids?) and so does everyone else. We all ‘eads back to the dorms and tells the students to run outside an ‘elp with the fire, and then back to the closet and onto the thieves ‘ighway.
When we get back, I gives Chimera ‘is uvver book and tells ‘im ‘e owes me a favour. You ‘ave to keep track ‘o that sort of fing. Everyone doing little favours and paying ’em back is wot makes the world go round.
An that’s ‘ow Chimera got ‘is book. Naah – I’ll tells yer about how ‘e paid me back some uvver day. Ow would yer like to take a day trip to the university? I’ll show yer the book wiv the scary animals in it, eh?