GG4 Week 4 – Familiy is always embarassing


A common area. A fireplace, a cupboard for crockery. Serve yourself kegs of beer, clean your own glasses when you are done. Card tables. Perhaps a barracks mess. One or two groups of three or four. A half-orc having a quiet pint. A dwarf walks in. Older. He pulls a beer and joins the half-orc.

“Wotcher Biggles.”
“Wotcher, Korgul.”

There is a silence. But not a companionable silence. More a waiting for the other shoe to drop silence. A 500-lb gorilla in the room silence. The dwarf, Biggles, speaks first.

“Nice hat”.
“Aww fer fuck’s sake! It’s magic, awlright? It’s a magic fuckin ‘at. I wouldn’t be wearing it if it wosn’t magic.”
“Yeah, well I could tell that from the shards in the band. What’s it do, exactly?”
“I find”, replies Korgul heavily, “that when I wears it I gets a little more respeck.”

Dwarvish laughter, like a small avalanche of boulders tumbling into a mountain stream. “It looks like a pimp hat! Doesn’t it interfere with the sneaking around?”
“It is a bloody pimp hat. But colours don’t matter that much in the dark, so purple and orange is ok. The fur is a natural camouflage pattern anyway, so all it all it comes out the same. But, do you reckon you could …”
“Oh, no Korgul – I’m afraid not. The shape and the colour is part of its magic, you see. Couldn’t possibly touch it. Anyway – do I look like a milliner?”

“Fucker”, replies Korgul. More dwarvish laughter. “So tell me the story”. Korgul shoots him a look. “Who’s asking? You, or Rob?” “A bit of both,” says Biggles matter-of-factly.

“Ok. Well, it’s like this:”


John as Baedryn – Dwarf Warlord.
Jamie as silent dude – Swordmage.
Amanda as Mandor – Human Bard.
Paul as Korgul – Half-orc Rogue.

So that girl wot came around asking for me was Jane, me sister. I been avoiding home. Dunno how she found out I was here. Oh yeah – me fizzog wos in the papers from the university job.

So this Preston bloke ‘ad taken over the business, and put in a manager ‘oo wos ‘itting the girls. They is family, Biggles – Jane ‘ad a black eye off the fucker. It’s good Rob decided to send some of us over as part of ‘is little war wiv Preston: I would ‘ave gone alone, which might not ‘ave worked out well.

So we ‘ad a bit of a chat on the way. No point trying to avoid the guards on the door. We were just going to bull our way in and then ‘ave a chat wiv this Snivler prick.

No worries. Straight froo the door. A regular day inside, a couple of customers.

Hi, my name is Jacqueline. I do massage, oral and sex, fantasies are extra and I don’t do anal. Did you have any questions?

Baedryn goes to the bar and starts asking about the girls, like ‘ee was a customer. Me – straight up the stairs, wotsisface right behind me (don’t even know ‘is name. I fink ‘es takin the ‘ole secretive fing too far. ‘E orta ‘ave at leas a fake name so we can call ‘im summik when we wants ‘im), and opens the doors. An there’s the little bastard right there with a couple of blokes ‘oo frankly didn’t impress me a lot.

Well, I don’t waste time chattin wiv im. I grabs ‘im and drags ‘im to the top of the stairs but ‘e slips out before I can chuck ‘im down. ‘E ‘ad some sort ‘o magic pimp rod – tried that thing on me that ‘e does on the girls. That’s where I got the black eye.’E ‘ad a fair bit ‘o magic. But me an Baedryn deals wiv ‘im wiv a bit ‘o help from Mandor. I finally gets ‘im while Mandor ‘as im distracted. Wotsisface finishes off the goons upstairs, then we do the bouncers and the other goons downstairs. I fink one of ’em I just scared ’em off at the end. No need to kill ‘I’m – it ain’t going her keep any fink a secret. Fact is, if Preston is behind all this then this ain’t going to be the end of it.

I get the goblin’s cane, wot is magic, and this ‘at. I’d like to keep the ‘at, but the rod’s no use to me. Probably Mandor can use it – not sure.

After a minnit or two, free of the town guard come in the door. Mandor tells ’em that these were customers what wos getting rowdy an drew steel, but the guards is being paid by Preston, which is an important tidbit of information and one you should definitely tell Rob about.

Now, we ‘ad masks an shit, but I’ll tell yer I just didn’t fink to put mine on and I don’t fink anyone else did ether. After all – the girls new ‘oo I was, and it’s not like it was going to be a big mystery to Preston either. But fact is I just forgot abaht it.

Wotsisname runs outside and deals wiv some of the recruits, but us uvver free starts to beat up the guards. They is swingin to kill, but we figures we is in enough trouble wiv the orforities, so we is a bit more careful.

Jamie’s character ran off because he would not attack town guards – he was just going to go back to the shop. But Korgul does not know this.
Brendan ruled that nonlethal attacks meant that our damage die went down one category. I’m sure there must be more specific rules.

But we is still better than them. Oneovvem gets beaten up pretty bad and I lets ‘im run off. The uvver two lasts a bit longer, but when they is pretty much on their last legs I fretens ’em and they runs off too. They will ‘ave trouble explaining themselves, cause they ‘ave mostly bruises, not cuts onnem. Wouldn’t want to be in their shoes.

The intimidate thing is coming together nicely. I think it needs to make sense in-game, but in this scenario it did.

There’s a bit of a crowd outside. Mandor tries to explain fings, but no-one belives ‘er, so I just tellem the brofel is shut for the evening and closes the door. Me an Baedryn stay to guard the place and the rest you know. I tells me other sister to take a message, but I get no respect from ‘er. So we pays one of the other girls to do it.

A little bit of hilarity at the table. I was rolling 16s and 15s on the intimidate checks to run off the armoured dudes with swords, but when Korgul brandished the goblin’s pimp rod at his sister, rolled a 1. Ain’t it just the way?

I dunno what Rob wants to do wiv the place. It’s big, it’s in a good location. If ‘e wants to make a legit business out of it, though, I say ‘es got no hope as long as ‘e lets my mum and sisters stay there. They been working the sheets a long time. Just saying.

The pimp hat grants +2 to intimidate and a reroll on a bluff check (probably once a day). This gives Korgul a +16 on intimidate, which is pretty damn good. The pimp cane is a 5th-level rod implement. If a bard can use it, then Amanda’s character should have it. There was also some gold – perhaps I should not take a share of that if I am taking an item? I’ll discuss it on the mailing list.
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