Marriage


It’s the sleep deprivation that breaks men.

Sleep deprivation is actually torture banned under the geneva conventions. But every married man can tell you about the arguments that drag on till the wee hours, or the insistence on “do you reeealy love me?” conversations at 11:30, and the pouting and crying if you try to avoid them. The hard route or the soft route, the goal and method is the same.

Men married to stay-at-home mums have it the worst. These mums can fight all night, send the kids off to school in the morning, and then sleep all day – ordering pizza for dinner. Hubby gets 3 hours sleep, goes to work a zombie, gets home at 7 or 8 and goes through it all over again.

It’s not a new phenomenon:

The bed that holds a wife is never free from wrangling and mutual bickerings; no sleep is to be got there! It is there that she sets upon her husband, more savage than a tigress that has lost her cubs; conscious of her own secret slips, she affects a grievance, abusing his boys, or weeping over some imagined mistress. She has an abundant supply of tears always ready in their place, awaiting her command in which fashion they should flow. ~ Satire VI, Juvenal.

Written in the late 1st or early 2nd century – after Jesus, but before Christianity became a thing. I’ll bet there are older examples.

So when you see a herb husband on the street or in a shop going yes dear, of course dear, whatever you say dear – have a little pity and understanding. You’re seeing a man that knows that if he doesn’t knuckle under, the nagging will fucking start, and will go all night for days or weeks on end. These days, even the threat of it is enough to keep him in line. When you crave sleep, you crave it desperately – more than food when you are hungry. You can go for a month without food. Only a few days without sleep.

Married? Have live-in girlfriend? Think about it. Sleep deprivation – how far along the program has she taken you?

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