BPD on AskCupid

I like to post on askcupid.com . Sometimes you read one of these:

She has been in therapy our entire marriage for a personality disorder BPD to be specific, but with the 4 years of therapy she is now better according to her therapist. She is not happy living here and wants to have more of a social life she says. And of course me getting upset about this “pushes her away” and “I need to work on my anger issues”.

When someone writes a post mentioning BPD (NOT to be confused with bipolar disorder), I always like to respond in the following manner (pinkm, because it’s okcupid!):

Jesus – you married a borderline? You chump. Get out.

“She gets upset that I am angry about this.” … “And of course me getting upset about this “pushes her away” and “I need to work on my anger issues””

CLASSIC BORDERLINE. *Her* moods are *your* fault. I repeat the same advice I give to everyone entangled with a BPD person: GET OUT.

@janniepeg Tell her you are going to serve her the divorce papers if she went to stay at her guy friend.

[This] would be a great idea if your wife were sane, but an extremely bad idea if you are sleeping with someone with BPD. You’ll wake up one night being stabbed or having you whastit cut off, and she’ll be all “YOU *made* me do this by saying you’ll divorce me!”

I mean – I don’t know how bad she is, heck: I don’t even know if the BPD diagnosis is accurate. She could be quite ok, and her psych on the wrong track altogether.

But: do not ignore the warning signs. Has she been violent to you? Hit, punched, scratched, slapped, bit? Sounds harmless if you are a big strong man, but sane adults do not resolve their differences this way. Has she destroyed your clothes or things that were important to you – photos, CDs, your computer – in a fit of rage? Has she stabbed or tried to stab you – with scissors, knives, pointy-handled comb? Has she ever gone for your eyes or testicles? Has she thrown things – plates, glass or ceramic ornaments, pots of boiling water? Has she ever threatened the kids? Other family members?

If she has ever been violent or threatened violence, PARTICULARLY IN VIEW OF A PRE-EXISTING DIAGNOSIS OF BPD, do not warn her or try to reason with her. Get out.

It’s the advice I always give. I think it’s sound.

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