Handsome Hank

So it’s the big festival. Or one ovvem – they have festivals every two weeks in Sharn, seems like. This one is int’resting. They let a monster go, and put a bounty onnit. ‘O course, the monster is usually released sumwhere where the poor people live. But that’s nobs for yer.

Anyway, I wos keen to ave a go at the bounty, and sum of us was agreeable, so we went up ter top tier an collected in the square wiv everyone else. The mayor comes out, an says this year’s monster is a beholder.


But not ter worry, ’cause he ‘as a special crack team of adventurers ter deal wiv it – Hank the Handsome an ‘is crew. The crowd goes wild. I fink I heard of ‘im. ‘Is crew wos a mad dwarf, some sort of miserable teenager, an a ‘human female mage ‘oo looks like the brains of the bunch. Anyway, we go a good look attim. The bloke is a dick. I mean, there’s lots of words you could use, right, but the all mean the same fing.

Anyway, the Mayor sez e is breaking wiv tradition an not telling people where this beholder is going ter be released.

Now, ‘ere’s my finking. A beholder can fly, right? Not like the usual where they let the monster loose ter kill a bunch of commons. An they is intelligent. So I reckons that he ‘as done a deal wiv the beholder ter take out sum higher-ranking people wot ‘ave been takin’ liberties, an then afterwards ‘e can say “well, them’s the breaks” wot not only get rig of sum people ‘oo he couldn’t assassinate, but also makes ‘im look like a fair-‘anded sort of mayor for the common folk.

Anyway. Ruz and one of the others [sorry guys, I forget character names] decides ter ‘ave a sneak in ter see if they can get a clue about where the fing will be released. Few minutes later and she comes back and tells us Firelight, which is one of the many, many brofel districts in Sharn. So – I wos wrong. Wotevva.

Well, we decides we ‘as ter get down as fast as possible, so we jumps and uses the city Feather Fall. The fing wiv doin’ that is that it cuts out at about middle tier, so yer ‘as ter find somefing solid ter stand on before yer gets ter the bottom ovvit. An the clouds makes it tricky. I decide ter go cautious – no point riskin gettin killed if yer dont have ter. But bloody Summer Glau or wotever ‘er name is is distracted and comes out the bottom of the magic. She uses a rope ‘an ‘ook ter snag sumthin and doesn’t fall all the way, but manages ter yank ‘er arms pretty badly doin it.

The character was being played by Alix, which worked out great because she was guest DMmming the combat.

Anyways. We gets down ter Firelight and ‘as a butchers. No sign of any monsters or nuffink. There is a fight on – yer know, defeat the champion an win gold sort of deal. A big gnoll, but we was a bit busy ter step up. I will be going back ‘an ‘aving a go, though. We figures that the beholder will be released wherever it can do the most damage, so we ‘eads ter the biggest place around – The Fuzzy Dice or summik.

Well, strike me pink if all bloody ‘ell dont break loose, an the beholder comes out. We attacks it, of course. But we don’t do too well.

We had a really badly built party – everyone was a striker. No healers, no defenders (controllers not so much an issue when it’s just the one monster). We were playing a character down, and there was a slight rules ruling which had it gone the other way … look, I’ll just come out and say it: Alix nerfed my character (Waaaah! Pouty-face! 😦 Hits fisties on the table!). We didn’t even bloody it before it was time to end game. A shame, because it would have been fun time for the DM if we had managed to. When bloodied, beholders become extremely vicious.

So, ok, we wasn’t doing well. But Hank swoops dahn wiv ‘is crew and just disposes of the fing. Nice bladework – I’ll give ‘im that. Fair is fair, I don’t fink I could take ‘im. But doesn’t stop ‘im from being a prick.

He doesn’t know it, but I’ll get ‘im back. I mean, not ter kill ‘im. But one day, I’ll make ‘im look like the bloody fool wot ‘e is.

Andrew told us – out game – that one of the goals of the scenario was to give our characters a hearty loathing for Handsome Hank. Job done, dude. 🙂

Well done Alix too. Kept the combat moving, gave everyone the feeling that this was serious. The two worst things IMO are a) turns that drag and b) marshmallow world. We had fun. I’d play on her table again.


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