Long time since I last blogged.
Big cleanup today. I chucked out things that I had been dragging around for years. Objects. Finally posted my guitars and associated gear
I’m asking way too little, I suspect, but I just don’t give a shit. I want them gone.
Might have a bit of a cry when they go. I plugged in the bass to see that it all still works – don’t have a guitar amp, and the setup is complicated. Played bass for a bit, rattled the windows. But I was never all that good, you know, and playing that bass reminded me.
The guitar – fuck. Nicer than the bass. Nice guitar. Played in church, what – 10, 15 years? Got good, too, at doing the worshippy stuff. Got to the stage when I could cut back to playing just a few notes, and it was perfect. Finger a chord, play an arpeggio, break it down, break it down, till you are just swinging between two notes underneath the chord progression. Had a big, spacey reverby sound with a hint of comb filter – filled the room without being obtrusive. It was all for nothing.
I missed it, you know, for many years. The being part of a band, working in with the other players, interacting. Church music is unlike anything else to play – a jam session, sometimes you’re in front, sometimes you’re supporting. Keyboardist introduces an idea, you pick it up, toss it back. Take your turn. Only thing like it is playing jazz, jazz with a roomful of people openly trancing out (of course, we didn’t call it that).
When I’d play bass, I’d always want to be to the left and behind the drummer to that I could see the kick. Drummer chooses a beat, bass hooks it to the harmonics of the rest of the band. Sometimes contrasting, but mostly just following the beat. Only thing annoyed me was drummers that don’t pick a beat and mostly stick to it.
I suppose it comes out in how I play D&D – I’m looking for that “part of a team” experience. It’s why I don’t enjoy playing a striker. It’s why I enjoy ‘Switch’ the Arcane Trickster so much – support caster, and really vital. My natural thing. It’s why I am jack of Die With Honour, which deserves a post of its own.
And the Bass? Played in Swallow, the reformed band, which was never really as good as the original. Enjoyed the rehearsals, being with the guys. Didn’t enjoy the gigs, really. Show up at 8, work work work setting up. Then play 10-2, no-one listening, really. Ever heard Outkast’s “Hey Ya”? “You ain’t listening to me, you just wanna dance, so shake it like a polaroid picture”. Finish at 2. Pull down, get home at 4 or 5. Too much fucking work and ok – it was good, but just not good enough, you know?
And, and it just wasn’t what I wanted: rehearsing some stuff and them playing what you rehearsed. I missed the church music. In my fantasies, I’d DJ with a sequencer and a guitar and keyboard – set up a beat and muck around with it, people dancing, lights going. Pretty much exactly what dubstep guys are doing these days (if dubstep is still a thing – I think it’s like so two years ago, now). But I never really had the talent for it. Couple of guys from church formed a band: “A minor groove”. At the time, I thought “I’d like to be in the band, but if I were, it wouldn’t be as good.” Never had the talent, most of all never had the discipline.
So fuck it. I’ll never play seriously again. Ten grand (well, when I bought it) of shit sitting there in my tiny flat – I’m going to sell it for one and a half. Finally done with dragging it around from place to place, unused.
But I still might have a little cry, when it’s gone.