A brief chat

29 June, 2013

I be regular, bitches.I be regular, bitches.

So I was at The Durham. Chucking out time. Had been making eye contact with a suitably-aged woman. Not bad. I guess she couldn’t help but admire the awesome t-shit I was wearing.

Outside. More eye-contact. Then … contact! Conversation with a total stranger! How novel!

With little preamble, she made a small confession. “I’m 42”, she mentioned casually, in passing. Perhaps a warning? I don’t know. I replied: “I’m 46”.

She was taken aback. Expression of surprise. “Do you use botox?”. I was flattered. “No,” I explained helpfully, “never been married.”

She left. Beats me why.

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I want me a woman

16 June, 2013

I want me a woman, one who is as drunk as I am, right now.

I’d hold her hair for her, and tell her “It’s ok” while she vomited into the toilet. Then I’d kiss her right on the mouth and pretend I couldn’t taste it.

Then we’d go to bed and fall unconscious. About ten we’d wake, and both be thinking the same thing: “I totally need to piss, and also I am incredibly thirsty”. We’d take turns, one of us using the bathroom while the other slurped water straight out of the tap. Then we’d go back to bed and hump, although nothing much would come of it.

(I once has sex with a woman who felt, seeing as we had had sex, that it was totally ok for her to leave the door of the bathroom open while she had a piss. What the fuck? Maybe it’s having kids does that to a person. They lose their sense of propriety when it comes to bodily functions.)

About two we’d wake again. I’d tell her: “babe, I have D&D at six” and one of us would catch a taxi home. Probably me.

Just a little slice of happiness is all I really want.


Mike pokes me on Facebook

3 July, 2012

A short caveat. If you read my blog to read my gaming stuff, you may wish to skip straight to my games category. I mention that because there are a couple of new people who have this address, and they may be puzzled by the following post.


I have written about Mike before. Looking at that link – amazing that it was only Dec 2010. Feels like longer – a lifetime ago. Mike – who I shall refer to as ‘Robyn’ (not her real name! Or her real one, either – I have never identified her and I intend to keep it that way) – and I had a brief exchange Nov 2011. We arranged lunch, but she flaked at the last moment, which is fairly typical. Citing work with the usual asymmetry: I also took time off work to be at our lunch, but my time/convenience/paycheque/etc just doesn’t matter.

About that time I decided that I would not engage in electronic communication with Romnia again. When we speak face to face, it goes well. When when talk over the intertubes or in text, it rapidly deteriorates. Also, I rather dislike being just one of the many people whom someone else is txt juggling. It’s a bit like the time I was approached for sex by a married woman years ago, but pretended not to understand because I knew that she had previously approached my mate. I simply didn’t appreciate being second choice. I fobbed her off with a tube of Vagisil, which is a funny story but not the one I am telling here.

So.

Couple of days ago Rosa pokes me on facebook. She is terribly concerned, she is worried about me. I – well, it’s true – I have been browsing misogynist websites. I have. Romy writes:

I’m frightened, saddened & more than a little disturbed at the distinct misogynistic slant your shared postings have taken. At one time, I believed us to be close friends. …

Fair point. I responded – I thought – in kind. Direct, without bullshit:

I’ll tire of it. For a while I was right “into” Pharyngula and science, and before that the whole christianity and creationism thing. And, of course, for a while I was right into participating on FIA. But they all began to repeat themselves after a bit.
I’ve on a forum at the moment, dealing with all this sort of stuff. I enjoy writing, enjoy trying to come up with something memorable and quotable. But mostly I echo other people’s opinions, and I recognise that. My own life experience simply isn’t that broad. …

IOW: “Relax, Roslyn, it’s just a phase.” A quitely humourous and objective look at where my own head was at.

In reply, I get this:

You’re choosing to make yourself unwanted & unlovable, along with the rest of those fucked up weirdos you’ve been hosting. Who would choose to love someone who clearly despises humanity? I’m even left wondering if you’re not secretly gay…
…& those who can’t do, bitch about it. [;)] No offense, but half of those guys you’re idolizing couldn’t get laid in a brothel. … (etc)

Riiiight.

There’s a couple of things to note, here.

Remember Lethal Weapon II? Remember when the dude calls Mel a “Kaffir (nigger) lover”? Here’s the thing: that particular insult only works on people who are racist. To a non-racist, it’s water off a duck’s back. Neither I, not any of my friends, nor anyone I work with, is a homophobe. Or if they are, they’d be rightly ashamed to admit it. If I were gay, it wouldn’t matter. So this is a shot wide of the mark.

(It’s dead simple to work out if you are gay – just imagine you are eating dick, and someone asks you “is there something else you would rather be doing right now”? When I’m eating pussy, and that question arises, my answer is always “No … no. This is where I want to be.”)

And not only a shot wide of the mark, but surprising coming from Rubi. Ruth is really quite articulate and intelligent – certainly a better writer than me. Is “UR HOMO!” really the best she can do? Really? Is this writer of the most wonderful diatribes second only to Helen Razer now being coached by Beavis and Butthead?

(edit) Also what ticks me off is the blanket condemnation of the MRAs, many of whom have sad stories to tell, many of whom have been reamed by The System and by women they loved and whom they thought loved them. Roberta is not the only victim in the world, you know. They are not my homies or anything, but they are a lot like me and I do identify somewhat with them.

The other point is the meta. Here’s that sequence for you again:

Paul, I’m just oozing concern.

It’s a phase. I’ll get over it.

You worship assholes! Ur gay! Those guys burn crosses on the front lawn! They can’t get laid! (etc)

Tha fuq?

I mean … I just don’t get it. I’m at a loss. I tried apologising to Rylee before, long ago, and was similarly rebuffed. What kind of answer might possibly satisfy her, do you suppose? What shape of words is she looking for? I mean, would tearful repentance be the thing? What?

So anyway.

Maybe she is just bored and wants to play. I dig.

I deconverted from christianity to atheism a long time ago. And one thing you learn as an atheist on the intertubes is that religious folk just repeat the old arguments over and over.

I don’t think I “idolize” anything at this late stage of my life, and as for the gay crack, that would be a “Code Lavender” on the anti-male shaming chart

Actually, the shaming chart quite neatly deals with a few of the points you have raised. The “burning crosses” is code brown, for instance. Why not read though it? No-one wants to be formulaic, and this chart will help you avoid common and overused tropes when discussing the topic.

Now please understand: this was a nut-punch. Like many people who are quite bright, Rebecca is somewhat intellectually vain. An accusation of being “formulaic” is pretty low. More so when you read that chart, because it’s so fucking true. I mean, read the chart, and read the whole of Renata’s mail to me. You can just about go down the list and tick ’em off.

After which I get “You’re a hater, I don’t want you in my life, I pity you, your life must suck.” And a messaging block.

Hence my resorting to this blog to make reply.

So it seems I am a hater. I tend not to think so. If I were, I’d be all “bitches be bitches” all over this. Instead, I just think Richelle is a little confused about what she wants out of me.

Also, my life sucks. That I already knew. But it sucks a little less each year. Not quite at the point where I prefer a really, really big bowel evacuation to sex, but it’s approaching parity.

Finally, I’m unlovable. Girl: I been living alone so long I simply wouldn’t know what to do with a girlfriend. Or lover, if we want to be all adult. It’s just too late for me. Missed that train a long time ago.

Maybe Rita is just upset that a few years back I ceased buying what she’s selling. Metaphorically, of course. I think our falling out actually does date from about then. A suspicious coincidence, anyway.

I do look forward to hearing from her again in another six months.


Awful Profiles by Women

20 June, 2012

Just reading Awful Profiles by Women. I think I just worked out why these women write such dreadful, dreadful profiles.

Doesn’t matter if she is smart:

“I suck at relationships. First and foremost. I’m a perfectionist, I’m demanding, and most of all-I’m picky. I’m an analytical chemist and just graduated in chemistry, neuroscience, and biology. Looks like law school after this, but right now? I don’t want to do jack shit. I’m small, but vicious. I don’t take any sass, but I’ll readily give it. I love my friends, but I would sacrifice them any day for my own personal entertainment. ”

or stupid:

I am an ELEGANT PRINCESS, passionate, romantic, classy, sassy, witty, free spirited and very spiritual woman who enjoys theater, opera, comedy, dancing, movies, eating out, coffee, family, friends, movies and the spiritual realm.

I am searching for a definite ALPHA MALE who is also a NON-DRINKER, NON-USER OF MIND ALTERNING SUBSTANCES, CLEAN & SOBER who is confident, aggressive, assertive, and masculine, yet is kind, loving and sensitive to me. A BUSINESS OWNER / PRESIDENT / CEO of an ackomplished Company and well-to-do Professional. Someone who when we go out automatically holds doors for me, who lights my cigerette, who helps me with my coat/sweater who stands on his own two feet, who has good values & morals, is honest, mature, funny and would protect me. I am interested in something long term and should I ever marry again, I want a wedding like the one in the “Guns N Roses” You Tube Video of “November Rain”. So, sweep me off my feet and make all my dreams come true and you will be well compensated with benefits. Prefer cut men. If you like cooking, that would be great. I hate cooking!! You must be CLEAN & SOBER, a non-user of alcohol and mind altering substances.

Over and over, the list of demands, the words that read “I am awesome” but scream “I suck as a human being”.

Why?

Why, why, why post something like this?

It’s because these people see love and dating as an adversarial negotiation. These profiles are an initial position: “I got this ass, this degree, and I want this in exchange”. And that alone, gentlemen, tells you a great deal. The focus all along is “What am I giving, what am I getting in exchange? Am I getting a good deal, or should I bail?” That’s what “love” is, to them: a business deal. Sure, one that involves emotions, but at the end of the day a deal.

What it’s not about is: “do I like this person?”. Or even love. The men in their lives aren’t people to them – they are a set of stats.

And that’s why they are single. That’s why they are on dating sites. They had marriages, children, houses, a life together with a man, but the whole time they were calculating, totting up sums, working out “am I happy enough?”. Bailing out is always, always an option. So much for “For better or worse, for richer or poorer”.

To them, it’s a cold-eyed, cold-hearted business. And that’s the underlying issue. To these women, getting a man is the equivalent, for a man, of getting a job. It’s their income, their security. It’s what they do for a living. So they are angling for the best conditions and salary they can get.

And that’s what’s going on here.


Bad advice on DearCupid

22 May, 2012

Imma get on Dear Cupid and give as much bad advice as I possibly can:

Q: last time i was making out with my guy, he called me by his ex’s name. and that upset me to the point that i stopped and left his arms but later on he apologized after a great deal of problems. i just wanna know if this is normal because he left “her” (his ex)to be with me. thanks for your help.

A: It’s nothing to worry about – it’s a guy thing (something to do with what part of your brain works during sex).


BPD on AskCupid

22 May, 2012

I like to post on askcupid.com . Sometimes you read one of these:

She has been in therapy our entire marriage for a personality disorder BPD to be specific, but with the 4 years of therapy she is now better according to her therapist. She is not happy living here and wants to have more of a social life she says. And of course me getting upset about this “pushes her away” and “I need to work on my anger issues”.

When someone writes a post mentioning BPD (NOT to be confused with bipolar disorder), I always like to respond in the following manner (pinkm, because it’s okcupid!):


Jesus – you married a borderline? You chump. Get out.

“She gets upset that I am angry about this.” … “And of course me getting upset about this “pushes her away” and “I need to work on my anger issues””

CLASSIC BORDERLINE. *Her* moods are *your* fault. I repeat the same advice I give to everyone entangled with a BPD person: GET OUT.

@janniepeg Tell her you are going to serve her the divorce papers if she went to stay at her guy friend.

[This] would be a great idea if your wife were sane, but an extremely bad idea if you are sleeping with someone with BPD. You’ll wake up one night being stabbed or having you whastit cut off, and she’ll be all “YOU *made* me do this by saying you’ll divorce me!”

I mean – I don’t know how bad she is, heck: I don’t even know if the BPD diagnosis is accurate. She could be quite ok, and her psych on the wrong track altogether.

But: do not ignore the warning signs. Has she been violent to you? Hit, punched, scratched, slapped, bit? Sounds harmless if you are a big strong man, but sane adults do not resolve their differences this way. Has she destroyed your clothes or things that were important to you – photos, CDs, your computer – in a fit of rage? Has she stabbed or tried to stab you – with scissors, knives, pointy-handled comb? Has she ever gone for your eyes or testicles? Has she thrown things – plates, glass or ceramic ornaments, pots of boiling water? Has she ever threatened the kids? Other family members?

If she has ever been violent or threatened violence, PARTICULARLY IN VIEW OF A PRE-EXISTING DIAGNOSIS OF BPD, do not warn her or try to reason with her. Get out.


It’s the advice I always give. I think it’s sound.


Spot the common factor!

18 May, 2012

Here’s some photos of mums breast-feeding children waaay to old to be breastfed:

Did you spot the common theme? Have an other look.!

Yup. There are exceptions, of course. But characteristically, when the sex of the child is obvious from the photo, most of them are boys.

Why? Your guess is as good as mine. But here’s a question: how many of these are single mums? My guess: all of ’em.