Awful Profiles by Women

20 June, 2012

Just reading Awful Profiles by Women. I think I just worked out why these women write such dreadful, dreadful profiles.

Doesn’t matter if she is smart:

“I suck at relationships. First and foremost. I’m a perfectionist, I’m demanding, and most of all-I’m picky. I’m an analytical chemist and just graduated in chemistry, neuroscience, and biology. Looks like law school after this, but right now? I don’t want to do jack shit. I’m small, but vicious. I don’t take any sass, but I’ll readily give it. I love my friends, but I would sacrifice them any day for my own personal entertainment. ”

or stupid:

I am an ELEGANT PRINCESS, passionate, romantic, classy, sassy, witty, free spirited and very spiritual woman who enjoys theater, opera, comedy, dancing, movies, eating out, coffee, family, friends, movies and the spiritual realm.

I am searching for a definite ALPHA MALE who is also a NON-DRINKER, NON-USER OF MIND ALTERNING SUBSTANCES, CLEAN & SOBER who is confident, aggressive, assertive, and masculine, yet is kind, loving and sensitive to me. A BUSINESS OWNER / PRESIDENT / CEO of an ackomplished Company and well-to-do Professional. Someone who when we go out automatically holds doors for me, who lights my cigerette, who helps me with my coat/sweater who stands on his own two feet, who has good values & morals, is honest, mature, funny and would protect me. I am interested in something long term and should I ever marry again, I want a wedding like the one in the “Guns N Roses” You Tube Video of “November Rain”. So, sweep me off my feet and make all my dreams come true and you will be well compensated with benefits. Prefer cut men. If you like cooking, that would be great. I hate cooking!! You must be CLEAN & SOBER, a non-user of alcohol and mind altering substances.

Over and over, the list of demands, the words that read “I am awesome” but scream “I suck as a human being”.

Why?

Why, why, why post something like this?

It’s because these people see love and dating as an adversarial negotiation. These profiles are an initial position: “I got this ass, this degree, and I want this in exchange”. And that alone, gentlemen, tells you a great deal. The focus all along is “What am I giving, what am I getting in exchange? Am I getting a good deal, or should I bail?” That’s what “love” is, to them: a business deal. Sure, one that involves emotions, but at the end of the day a deal.

What it’s not about is: “do I like this person?”. Or even love. The men in their lives aren’t people to them – they are a set of stats.

And that’s why they are single. That’s why they are on dating sites. They had marriages, children, houses, a life together with a man, but the whole time they were calculating, totting up sums, working out “am I happy enough?”. Bailing out is always, always an option. So much for “For better or worse, for richer or poorer”.

To them, it’s a cold-eyed, cold-hearted business. And that’s the underlying issue. To these women, getting a man is the equivalent, for a man, of getting a job. It’s their income, their security. It’s what they do for a living. So they are angling for the best conditions and salary they can get.

And that’s what’s going on here.


Bad advice on DearCupid

22 May, 2012

Imma get on Dear Cupid and give as much bad advice as I possibly can:

Q: last time i was making out with my guy, he called me by his ex’s name. and that upset me to the point that i stopped and left his arms but later on he apologized after a great deal of problems. i just wanna know if this is normal because he left “her” (his ex)to be with me. thanks for your help.

A: It’s nothing to worry about – it’s a guy thing (something to do with what part of your brain works during sex).


BPD on AskCupid

22 May, 2012

I like to post on askcupid.com . Sometimes you read one of these:

She has been in therapy our entire marriage for a personality disorder BPD to be specific, but with the 4 years of therapy she is now better according to her therapist. She is not happy living here and wants to have more of a social life she says. And of course me getting upset about this “pushes her away” and “I need to work on my anger issues”.

When someone writes a post mentioning BPD (NOT to be confused with bipolar disorder), I always like to respond in the following manner (pinkm, because it’s okcupid!):


Jesus – you married a borderline? You chump. Get out.

“She gets upset that I am angry about this.” … “And of course me getting upset about this “pushes her away” and “I need to work on my anger issues””

CLASSIC BORDERLINE. *Her* moods are *your* fault. I repeat the same advice I give to everyone entangled with a BPD person: GET OUT.

@janniepeg Tell her you are going to serve her the divorce papers if she went to stay at her guy friend.

[This] would be a great idea if your wife were sane, but an extremely bad idea if you are sleeping with someone with BPD. You’ll wake up one night being stabbed or having you whastit cut off, and she’ll be all “YOU *made* me do this by saying you’ll divorce me!”

I mean – I don’t know how bad she is, heck: I don’t even know if the BPD diagnosis is accurate. She could be quite ok, and her psych on the wrong track altogether.

But: do not ignore the warning signs. Has she been violent to you? Hit, punched, scratched, slapped, bit? Sounds harmless if you are a big strong man, but sane adults do not resolve their differences this way. Has she destroyed your clothes or things that were important to you – photos, CDs, your computer – in a fit of rage? Has she stabbed or tried to stab you – with scissors, knives, pointy-handled comb? Has she ever gone for your eyes or testicles? Has she thrown things – plates, glass or ceramic ornaments, pots of boiling water? Has she ever threatened the kids? Other family members?

If she has ever been violent or threatened violence, PARTICULARLY IN VIEW OF A PRE-EXISTING DIAGNOSIS OF BPD, do not warn her or try to reason with her. Get out.


It’s the advice I always give. I think it’s sound.